A Letter to Heaven
Dear Mami,
I never thought that I would be writing you a letter from earth to heaven. But here we are: you, an angel in God’s kingdom and I, a product of your love, still among this physical world. I never imagined you would be gone from me so soon. Twenty-three years together and I’ll never feel as though it was enough.
I understand that the bond we share will never be recreated again and that’s what hurts me the most. You are irreplaceable. The tears we shed, the laughs we exchanged, and the compassion we shared with one another will forever be our own. Remembering the feel of your flesh, the vibrations of your voice, the smell of your scent, the facade of your face, and the hold of your heart, I will miss you. To bear the pain is to be human. To carry on is to be your daughter. That is to suggest that the fighter within you has also been instilled inside of me. And I pray to God to give me the space for strength to persist. I also pray that God gives me the capacity for compassion—the unceasing compassion that you possessed. I find comfort in knowing that you’re no longer suffering, but I continue to question why did he decide upon you to endure such a destructive disease? I realize that I must accept what has already been done and that I must not attack God with the anger I feel deeply within myself. I am to let go, but in that I’m scared to let go of you. I still have so many unanswered questions and your guidance is all I desire. This life hasn’t proven easy and I know you understand me when I say those words. And now we both have another challenge to face: you, finding a temporary dance partner in heaven while you wait for us, and me, dancing my way through life on Earth until we see each other again. You are undeniably the most beautiful woman I’ve ever experienced. You taught me how to love passionately and unconditionally. You taught me how to live fearlessly and magnificently. You taught me that strength is not the absence of ups and downs but the will to keep moving forward despite all odds. Mami, you are my everything. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons. I know I’ll never be alone being that you live inside of me. I am a piece of you & you are at peace with me. I promise to live a life filled with utter love and happiness. A life endorsed by the unknown adventures and the undiscovered beauties. I promise to remain your mi nuñi for all the tomorrows to come. If it is to rain, I’ll accept the fall of tears from the heavens and if the sun were to shine, I’ll welcome the light upon my face: the rain being your tears of euphoria and the sun being your gleaming smile as you read this within the clouds above. I love you with every bit of my actuality. I’ll miss you until my days’ end and we are to be together again. Please dance with me through the rest of my life, Mami. It is because of you that I made it this far and it is because of you that I’ll find my way back to you. Earth and heaven aren’t so far away when two hearts are linked.
I feel you.
I miss you.
I love you, Mami.
Always,
Mi Nuñi.
Written July 27, 2018
